The Power of Preferences

                                                 VS.

I found myself telling someone what I now think might be a very stupid thing to say..."You can't help who you fall in love with." I was trying really hard to explain that our feelings sometimes just ARE, and that we have these chemical reactions that quite often are simply out of our control. That might not be true though...

People and places and things come into our lives and can either madden or melt us. I can't really explain it. I often don't know why I respond to one object or person or place with complete and unselfish affection, but I do. I have "favorites" all the time...natural attractions that cannot be helped. And then, I will just as easily find myself repelled by something else. What is that chemistry, that natural attraction or dislike we get? It annoys me because I have such a high need for harmony in my life that I want to like everything and everybody. I just can't "turn on" something that isn't there. And equally, I can't just "turn off" something that is. Or can we?

Let's start with material objects. I walk through a store, see thousands of items, lock in on a few that I immediately respond to, and then find that one item I just have to have. It meets some unknown set of requirements in my brain that make it a necessity, something I want to make a part of my life, to own. I will know within 30 seconds if I prefer the larger Prada bag over the smaller one. I am a sucker for picture frames, decorative pillows, gold lamps and woven baskets. I don't know why. And if anything is metallic or in my favorite shade of Baker-Miller pink, it usually ends up in my car. Go figure! I swear I am so fleur de lis crazy these days that if I saw a toilet seat cover with a black and gold fleur de lis on it, I might have to have it! I can't explain why I prefer light wood over dark, baths over showers, Michael Buble' and Billie Holliday over Beethoven and the Beatles...you get the idea.

And then there are those preferences for places. I love the beach...the BEACH...not the ocean particularly. I like the views and the sunsets, not the creatures swimming out of my sight-line in the water or beneath me in a boat. I am very much a landlubber! Give me a mountain, desert or even forest and I will be happier than on water. I like dry heat, not rain forests...yet another impossible preference that I can't seem to control. I have given up countless great vacations because I don't like the sea. A cruise is a death sentence to me, not a getaway. I would much rather be in a stadium than a sanctuary or a coffeehouse than a bar. These preferences for place never end...they are distinct and push us to be where we feel a certain sense of comfort. Do we have to spend time in places we don't necessarily like? Heck yes! Public restrooms, school cafeterias, airports and my bank drive-thru are places I don't necessarily like to be, but I have found a way to make peace with them because I need to be there. That doesn't mean I have to like them though.

Wow...and then there are the people. There are some people I just cannot help but adore, and others have become an "acquired" taste, kind of like broccoli. You know they are good for you, so you force yourself to have them in your life. Snooty waiters, grumpy salesclerks, know-it-all co-workers and bosses, nosy neighbors, meddling in-laws, pushy parents...you name it, they are there testing your patience. But then there are those that you cannot help but let in! They are just so easily liked because they become a part of your very soul...I hate to say it, but I DO have favorite students, favorite aunts, and favorite cousins. I just can't help but be attracted to them and they know it, for I have little ability to restrain my enthusiasm for them! They refresh me by allowing me to love them unconditionally. I don't have to work hard at all. Let me tell you...they are a blessing. Favorite actors, authors, artists...how can we deny those natural attractions? Well, we don't. And you know what? It's ok!

So do I really believe that we can control those little cravings that creep up on us and dictate who, what and where we will apply our affections? I say that there is much pleasure in giving into your natural preferences and then seeing how well you can accommodate your natural aversions. When I get that little twinge of rejection for someone or something, I notice it. It tells me something about myself. Because sometimes, knowing what you don't like is just as important as knowing what you do! And when I do fall in love with someone or something or someplace, well, let's just say, I DO NOT see much point in fighting it very much, because quite frankly, I'm not very good at it.

Here are a few more things I can't help but love:

"Pastels and poetry…

parties and Pomeranians.

Pasta, not potato chips...

chocolate, not cheesecake.

Fall flowers and football,

then spring rains and baseball games.

Christmas lights, star-filled nights...

a summer breeze...a hearty sneeze.

My children laughing, me dancing –

in my kitchen...all alone

to music in my head.

A warm sidewalk on my bare feet,

and the coolness of crisp linen sheets

as I lay down to sleep.

The smell of baking bread, 
of fresh cut lemons

and barbecue.

The sound of my mother's voice

over the phone when I am far away

and the smell of her perfume 
when I am close to her.

Pink roses and my daughter's blue eyes...

new car smell 
and church bells.

My son's heartfelt hugs,

porcelain mugs…

filled with foamy Cappuccino.

Hazelnut candles,

musical theater…

My sister’s laugh and my father’s hands.

Pearl earrings, new shoes

and little black dresses.

The blowing wind just before it rains

watercolor paintings, a passing train

and a good glass of merlot

with friends."